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If you have any qualms about the "religion" in this book, my advice would be to do as with anything else and take from it what you need and what is useful to you without judging the authors beliefs. After reading some of the negative reviews on this book, I am happy to say that I was still pleased with it myself. I do not have any problems with the "God" part of this book and felt better equipped at interacting with my SWC after reading this book.
It is very subtle, but it does not condone submission to authority or integrity in strong willed children. And that is the one thing Cynthia Tobias says she will not. At first, as I was reading this book, I thought, well, you can sift through what she says to glean what you can. She repeatedly talks about how important it is always to give strong willed children choices all the time and not tell them what to do. The Dept. I'm sorry, but when I'm crossing a busy street and ask for my daughter's hand--I am not going to give her a choice.
Cynthia Tobias has been greatly lauded in the homeschool community for her educational theories. And obedience is important. These are two examples of why this book concerns me. Chair asked if she used them and she said "Yes." No, she did not. We are saved by God's GRACE--His ACTION, NOT OURS. Then she collected them and returned them.
What kind of example was she setting for them--that they didn't need to respect authority. This book condones and perpetuates the patterns I saw in so many middle schoolers. It is absolutely important that she obey me.The second story comes later in the book about a time when she was teaching English at a public school. But, there is a huge integrity issue there. If you are a Christian parent, please be careful with this book. If you are a Christian, then please read my review. I also desire for them to be independent individuals. By her scale in the beginning of the book for strong willed people (1 to 12, 12 being high), I am a 10 or 11.
So, I'm a very strong willed person myself. As she retold the story, there was no remorse or regret for what she did. Back to the story, she tells the story of being told by her department chair to use a set of particular books in her class. But, as a Christian mom, I have some serious concerns about her perspectives on strongwilled children.
Most of all, the greatest lesson I learned as a strong willed woman was how to listen to others and learn from their experiences and advice. I am not raising robots. When I look at my little girls and my particularly strong willed one, I want them to grow up with a healthy respect for authority and a willingness to be obedient and submissive. I am sure those students knew exactly what she was doing. I am so saddened that so many people loved this book.
She passed out the books and instructed the students to sit on them for the class period.
I have to disagree, because I did and I so I hope my daughter will, too.
She uses this story as an example of how Strong willed children believe that rules are only guidelines and that they are going to live with them as such--and most importantly that this is OKAY from her perspective.
That, above all, is what I want my strongest daughter to learn.
But, as I read on, I came to have major issues with this book.
She surely wasn't in this case.
She didn't want to, so she checked out the books and took them to her classroom.
She tells a story about when she was in church and learned the song, "Trust and obey" Well, since she didn't like the song the way it was, she sang "Trust and Comply," substituting comply for obey and the last line of "Trust and obey for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey" She sang "Trust and Comply, for I know the reason why, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and comply." Now, this may seem silly, but her point is that it was HER choice to obey--taking God out of the picture.
I am by trade a middle school teacher.
Cynthia Tobias is a gifted writer, and makes the book a joy to read. I would highly recommend it. This book is an excellent reference for training your children. I wish I had read it when my son was younger.
Then I read Cynthia's book. I highly recommend this book and have given several copies away. Every instruction became a long and frustrating discussion.
This book brought a new and refreshing way of helping my child do what is asked without the struggle and in a much more positive way. I keep extras around just in case I run across someone that struggles as I did. How you word your instruction is the key.
I was always having struggles with my son. Cynthia gives excellent tips on how to talk with an SWC. It was a relationship saver.
Just trying to get him in the tub became a hide and seek game every night. It changed my relationship with my son.
BUT as any parent of an SWC (strong willed child) knows We parents have to pick our battles. Dear child felt "heard" and sat down to eat his breakfast, and we have had no complaints for a week. Instead of my being upset and saying."you will eat it or else." I tried Ms Tobias' tactic. Also these kids were created by God to be this way for a purpose. You have had A, B, C, and D for all different breakfasts this week.which was alot of variety. Tape format makes it easy to get the information and strategy tips.
On day one after I had listened to her tapes (while running errands) My child comes in the kitchen in the morning, only to be disappointed by his scrambled egg breakfast. No suggestions yet either. A good product for a parent on the go--and perhaps in the car alot.As a strong-willed impassioned parent who is parenting a strong willed impassioned child, I appreciate that Ms Tobias offered some insights and strategies to defuse the combat. I need your help then in coming up with some new breakfast ideas." What happened next. We have to help guide them to use their strong convictions and passions properly. I have a better understanding of ME and my child.
I said, "OK, well we have a problem and I need your help.
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